XYZ

그 시점에
여자 팬티는 벗겨져 있었지만

난 여전히 여자 남편이
있는게 염려되는 거야

남편이 날 보고 있었거든

어! 이봐요

이게 뭐예요?
왜 의자가 밖에?

이 구형 폰티악 고치는 거
뭐 알아요?

상관 없어요, 이제켈

그냥 부품들 다 거기 넣어요

진정해요
호흡법 같은 거 알아요?

터지기 일보 직전이에요

내 형을 몰라서 그래요
날 묵사발 만들 걸요

 

- 25센트 한 줄로
- 그가 뭘 한다고요?

- 뭘로 한다고요?
- 그래, 그래요

형은 조퇴를 하고
은행에 가 줄을 서서는

10불을 동전으로 바꿔
내 엉덩이에다

쑤셔요, 25센트 한 줄로!

 

망할 여호와의 증인!

 

오늘밤 같이 잘 여자를 구해줘야겠군

 

동생 아직도 매춘부야?

 

저것 봐
완벽하게 통하고 있어

넌 역대 최고 호위대야

그녀가 걸렸어, 걸렸어
보라고

 

럼스프링어!

 

- 땅이 올라왔다
- 네, 그래요

너무 많이 마신 거 같네요
그만 좀...

맥주 한잔밖에 안 마셨으니까
얼굴 좀 그만 치워줘요

 

럼스프링어 첫 날이에요?

럼스프링어! 와!

 

- 너희 친절하네
- 거기 밟지 않게 해

 

너흰 멋져서 좋아

너흰 멋져

 

안전하게 잘 곳을 찾읍시다

 

왜?

 

- 왜 그러는데?
- 문제가 뭔데, 이년아?

- 아무것도, 괜찮아
- 아무것도 아니래, 신경 꺼

랜스 때문이지?
걘 아마쉬녀랑 있는데 넌...

- 틀렸어
- 잠깐이라도 속마음 털어놔

너 랜스 좋아하는 거 괜찮아

 

- 내가 바보지
- 랜스에겐 뭔가 있어

모두가 랜스를 좋아해

 

나도 그래

 

약속해줘
넌 절대 랜스처럼 안 된다고

 

우린 왜 이럴까?
가서 좀 즐기자

 

우린 어려, 우린 아마쉬야
럼스프링어!

럼스프링어! 와!

 

이안, 이 망할 놈!

 

- 정말 고집 세, 네 발 좀 봐
- 괜찮아, 됐어?

 

이제 어떡할 거야?

아무래도 전화를 찾아
렉스형에게 연락해야지

와서 날 죽이려 하겠지

네 할머니 방문은?

그걸 너무 미뤘어
이제 방문할 때가 됐어

 

'할머니 방문'을
나도 정말 원해

네가 '할머니 방문'하고픈
심정은 말로 다 못하지

난 '할머니 방문'하면
일주일에 두 세 번 정도

늘 쾌락이었어
그녀는 기쁨이었지

어쩌라고? 차가 저 모양으로
헛간바닥에 분해된 걸

안녕, 매리

 

너 정말 예뻐

 

놀리지 마

정말, 그 차림으로
버터 저으니까

섹시했어
너랑 어젯밤 정말 재밌었어

- 나도
- 내 번호가 있으니 전화할거지?

 

- 아니
- 아니라고

너 웃겨

아니, 너 정말 좋아

 

내게 럼스프링어는 지났어

 

미안해

 

고쳤어요?

약간 난관이 있었지만
챔피언처럼 일어서네요

뭐라 해야 할지

- 가진 게 별로 없어서
- 아뇨, 됐어요

우린 됐어요, 이웃을 돕는
기회인데, 선물인거죠

 

혹시 뭐 보답하고 싶다면

여긴 허드렛 일이 많긴 해요

 

근데 딱 한 가지 문제가
일정이 많이 늦어서요

반드시 돌아와
일을 해 드릴게요

그래요, 네
당연히 떠나야죠

 

우리가 고쳐서
차도 부드럽게 달릴 테니까요

- 근데 됐다고요?
- 우린 됐어요, 말로는요

무상으로 차를 고쳐줬는데
떠나는군요

그럼 우린 절망적이 된다고
말하고 싶네요

 

- 꼭 돌아 올게
- 고대하죠

정말 와요

그럼 올 때까지
우리 숨을 참죠

셋 세면 하는 거야
셋, 둘

 

배가 무지 쑤시네
휴게소 있으면 말해라

 

정말 매리가 안됐어

생활 양식이 행복을 막으니

그건 삶이 아니야

랜스, '모두 얻을 수 없는 걸
원한다'는 네 이론 몰라?

그게 그 여자 인생이야
이안, 주유소다

아냐, 펠리샤

이건 달라
그녀가 나를 바꿨어

그녀 때문에 난 지금 나비야

그녀와 있을 때 난
숭고한 인간이 된 것 같았어

그리고 그걸 못 믿겠다면
내 물건을 빨아도 돼

 

제길
내 차 안 가져갔지, 이안

넌 겁쟁이니까
그래

이 문을 올리면
내 크고 자랑스러운 '저지'가

앉아서 번뜩이며
날 바라볼 거야

아니면 네 항문을
옆집 다람쥐에게 먹이겠어

 

이렇게 맞고 싶냐?

 

내 애기를 가져갔어

 

망할 놈!

 

제길

어이, 거친 친구
오토바이 길 밖에 뒹구는데

 

모두 찼구만, 친구?

 

누가 옆에서 해주나 보군

 

여러분

 

우리 차례 맞지?

 

어서 들어가

 

이제 전화 되나?

 

테이스티, 어젯밤 좀 벗어났어

어쩔 수 없이
새 친구들과 파티를 했어

 

오늘 밤 8시, '빅 보이'에서

 

기다린 보람이 있을 거야

 

정말 봐줬어, 귀여워!
다시 바람맞히지 마!

 

사양해요
사양해요!

 

어이, 어린 친구?
어이

 

빨아줘, 빨아줘

 

- 네가 소리쳤니?
- 그 얘긴 하고 싶지 않아

- 펠리샤는?
- '콘독' 파는데 갔어

 

콘독 $1.50

 

여기 여자들 대단하지 않니?

어디서 만날 수 있을까
매리같이 멋진 애를?

 

펠리샤는 어때?

뭐가 말야?

 

- 널 좋아해
- 그래서 뭐? 줄 서라지

왜 그래? 부족한 거야?

펠리샤는 훌륭하지만

분명한 건
네가 좋아한다는 거지

- 뭐? 아냐, 난...
- 놀랐어? 못 믿는구나

- 폭탄 발언인가, 왜 그래?
- 어쨌든 날 좋아하진 않지

알아, 상관 없어
그래도 그렇게는 못 해

 

너 분명 알지?
널 좋아하지 않는 거

 

그래, 혹시 너도 모르면서...

말 막는 거지만 혹시는 없어
친한 친구로서 하는 말인데

 

절대 못 해, 절대

 

너희는 친구니까

내가 거친 여자의
공통점이 뭘까?

 

난 걔네들 친구가 아니었어

그리고 보통 가슴이 죽였어
항상은 아니지만

 

가끔은 납작가슴이었어

아주 간단해요
로프 타고 종 치면 상 타요

어이 거기 호빗족
키 제한은 없어

나서서 네 여친에게
상이나 타주지 그래

우리는...
얘는 내 여친 아녜요

- 그럼 저쪽 '여친'은 어때?
- 잘했어요

 

어서 이안, 할 수 있어
거기, 어서 어서

 

승자! 승자! 승자!

- 정말 멋졌어
- 할 줄 몰랐다

컵스카웃 캠프서 했던 거야
좀 마스터 했지

그래, 잘난 것 같지?

 

- 막대 사탕
- 고마워

 

비법이 뭐죠?

 

- 어깨를 낮춰요
- 코치 금지야

 

코치 금지라고, 잘난 놈아
읽어 봐, 코치금지

 

이런 제길

 

- 난 샌디야
- 난 이안

 

애석상

정말 고마워

몇 분 후에 우리 무용단
공연 있어, 너희 와서 구경해

- 우린 막 가려...
- 재밋겠네요, 얘 가요

좋아요, 이따 봐요

 

쟤 화끈한 냄새나

 

- 정말?
- 그래

어이, 해리 포터
너희 여기서 꺼져

 

뭘 봐, 레즈비언
부숴버릴 테다

 

그래
난 여자 치는 거 겁안나

 

Everybody's talking
all this stuff about me

 

Why don't they just
let me live?

 

I don't need permission

- 정말 이럴 시간 있어?
- 너 그만 좀 해라

- 뭐 했는데?
- 여잘 막잖아

난 그런 여자 짓 안 해

 

응원의 박수 부탁해요
AX 댄서!

자 무용수들, 남자 데려와요

 

극도의 금욕

 

돌라고 돌아

 

이 훌륭한 수확품 보세요
미남 청년들 왔네요

 

시작하기 전에

젊은 처자가 자기 얘기를
이 청년들과 나누고자 합니다

크리스티
준비 되었죠?

 

작년에 내 남친이랑
춤추고 있었어요

차로 가자더군요

그렇게 했죠
우리 다 발가벗고 뒷좌석에서

오럴을 시작했죠

 

아빠는 그게 좋아

 

잠깐요

 

잠깐만요!

이 비극적 얘기가
당신을 흥분시키던가요?

 

금욕 행사에서 달아오르다!

 

이 용기있는 처자가
속마음을 터놓는데

그것에 흥분을 해?

이제 금욕맹세 해야겠어요
당장!

정말 누구보다 필요하군

 

멀리하고 참아, 총각

 

아니 금욕맹세를 하는데
잔뜩 흥분해?

대단했어

그 여자 뭐라는지도 몰랐어
별거 아냐

 

이안, 자랑스러워

저리 가! 이런 일 하는 거야?
나같은 순둥이를 꼬득여

- 네 노섹스 클럽에 데려가?
- 이안, 전혀 그런 게 아냐

 

그냥 가버려

 

- 물건 빨아주려고 했어
- 그래?

이 바보같은 막대사탕
도로 가져가!

 

너 죽었어
이 사이코 숫처녀!

 

치과의원

 

정말 치아 치료받고 싶어?
이 켄터키의 시골에서

 

닥터 테데스코가 곧 봐줄 거요

 

그래, 네가 옳아
발 아파

- 신발을 던지지 말아야 했는데
- 아냐, 나무에 던진 거 좋아

 

정말이야
그건 최고급 펠리샤였어

 

펠리샤 알파임

 

- 그래 뭔 짓 했지?
- 네?

 

애를 좀 쳤나? 딴 짓 하니까
이빨 하나 부쉈나?

- 아뇨, 그럴리가
- 속았지, 놀린 거야

 

재미 있잖아
재가 때리지 않았지?

 

위험 상황이면
눈을 두번 깜박여

 

몇 분 있다 오지
거기 마취 되면

가만히 있어, 아내 살해범

 

그날 밤 랜스네 파티 때 말야

 

나 거기 갔었나?

 

그건 우리 우정을
망치고 싶지 않아서야

 

당연하지
우정이 귀하지, 잘 했어

 

널 잃는다면
어떻게 할지 모르겠어

 

잃지 않아

 

무슨 생각해?

 

- 넌 무슨 생각해?
- 먼저 물었잖아

 

- 나 나가서 랜스랑...
- 그래, 가

 

이것도 살게요

 

내 것 아녜요

 

무슨 일 있어?

 

- 집으로 돌아갈까 해
- 뭐? 왜?

 

펠리샤랑 저기서 얘기했는데
우리 좀 통했어

- 좀 통했다고?
- 응

넌 바보야

웃기지 마
얘기 다 끝냈잖아

다 왔잖아
걔 때문에 그럼 안 돼

우린 낙스빌 가고
넌 목적을 이뤄야지

 

아냐, 안 가, 안 간다고

테이스티에게 문자 보낼 거야
안 간다고 할거야

- 이안, 차에 타
- 안 해, 안 한다고

내 전화 어딨지?
야, 이제 웃는구나

내 전화 거기 있었구나
이건 네 거야

 

문자가 왔더라

네 할머니가 정말 보고 싶대

자기 화끈 면도한
거시기 얘기도

암 얘기겠지

잘 됐네
낙스빌로 출발하자

 

All I've got is frustration
frustration

I hate this vacation

So, give up, give up
Give up, give up

I've got to get away from here
It's killing me just thinking 'bout

Frustration, frustration
I hate this vacation...

이안, 거꾸로 가고 있어

 

- 집에 가는 거야
- 뭐?

 

- 나 때문에 돌아가진 마
- 그래, 장난 마

테이스티 정말 보고 싶어
굉장할 거야

백불 걸지만 그 여자
비엔나 소시지 달렸을 걸

집에 간다고 했잖아
그 얘긴 하고 싶지 않아

네가 무슨 수를 써서
애 일을 망칠 줄 알았어

내가? 너희 둘이
나 모르게 꾸민 거잖아

그래, 렉스 오빠 차 훔치고
전국의 반을 운전했어

이거 원한 거 맞지
그러니 해, 겁쟁아

- 바로 그래, 겁쟁이
- 좋아, 그래

차를 돌려, 여잘 흥분시키고
당장 누군가를 따먹지

- 원한다면 그런 놈 되지
- 그래야지! 그거 최고다

- 그러면 정말 좋겠어
- 그래, 좋아! 그러지

 

- 그래 좋냐?
- 방금 알이라도 떨어졌어?

 

이런, 또 이 막장이네

 

할까? 그래 하자

- 속바지나 지리지 마라
- 농담만 아니라면 이거 멋져

 

- 처지고 있어
- 아냐, 잡았어 잡았어

 

제발 이안! 너무 가까워

제기랄!

 

어림 없어! 넌 죽었어

 

미안해요! 저긴 괜찮아

이놈 정말 위험하군!

 

- 어디 있지? 말해줘
- 우리 꽁무니에, 뒤에 붙었어

 

- 퇴장하고 있어
- 야! 샌님이구만!

 

뭐하던 거야, 녀석아?

 

진정해, 네 잘못이 아냐
녀석이 앞에 튀어나왔어

조용해, 랜스
당연히 내 실수야

이 주머니쥐 별 거 아냐
우린 테이스티를 찾아야지

아파하잖아
여기 혼자 둘 순 없어

 

그래, 네가 옳아

 

도와야 줘야 해
수의사를 부르든지

이안, 봐
우리가 할 게 별로 없어

 

너희가 도와라
이것면 끝내 줄거야

- 뭐하는 거야?
- 애처롭게 둘 순 없잖아

녀석 탈 휠체어는 없어
끝난 거야

웃기지 마, 랜스
뭘 안다고

 

내가 할게

 

주머니쥐는 다 천국에 가

 

이안

보니까 아직도...

 

이런 망할
바른 일을 하려는 거야

정말 살아 있었네

 

제길!

 

제이미 린 스피어스의 애가
거의 한 살인거 알아

그 여자가 애를 갖다니

 

그게 명종 위기였는지
제가 어떻게 알겠어요?

수의사가 회복할
가능성이 있댔어요

그러길 바라게
들어가

 

B 감방 닫아

 

구치소에 온거야

 

만만하게 보이면 안돼
헤매는 거 보이면 우릴 괴롭혀

어이! 어이, 샌님들

어이, 가서 앉지 그래
나랑 한바탕 하기 전에

좀 가라 앉히라고
진정해

- 좋아, 우리 된거야?
- 그래, 됐어

 

실례합니다

 

잘 들어, 노인네
이 말만...

 

그의 눈속 표정 못 보셨죠

그는 그 불쌍한 동물 때문에
가슴이 찢어졌답니다

쳇, 그 이안이란 애는
배짱이 없는 것 같네

왜? 죽어가는 동물 때문에
야단법석을 떨어서?

착한 것 같은데

랜스란 앤 남자다운 것 같아

 

그런 남자를 묶어두는 유일한
방법은 애를 가지는 거야

근데 여자를 깔보잖아

 

이 분 맞아요
형편 없이 여잘 깔봐요

 

이안을 사랑하지?

 

어릴 적부터 최고 친구였어요

글쎄요, 속사정 말할 친구는
걔 뿐이었어요

그 놈한테 마음을 주면

그 "우정"은 당장 창 밖에
던져버릴 수 있어

내 처녀 시절 최고 친구는
남자, 크레이톤 맥대니얼이었어

 

우린 밤새 얘기하고
웃고 그러면서 지냈지

 

어느 날 생각했지
우린 친구 이상이 돼야 한다고

그래서 사랑한다고 했어

 

그래서요?

 

데이트를 몇 주 했지

근데 워포드에서
딴 여잘 만나더군

 

아직도 가끔 얘기는 해

하지만 절대 예전 같진 않지

 

얘야, 이리 와
어서, 이리 오렴

 

프리허그 해줄게
어서 오렴

 

안아 주마

 

야, 너 다들 있는데
오줌 누잖아

 

그래, 그러네

- 저 사람이 네 물건만 보잖아
- 굉장해

 

- 너 딴 사람 됐구나
- 아냐

넌 차 훔치고 힐빌리를 치고

체포되고
감옥 싸움도 했어

 

두에인을 봐
그도 있었어

멸종 위기 동물을
오늘 쳐죽였잖아

그게 뭔가를 증명하는 거야

이젠 여기서 다들 보는데
큰 개처럼 오줌도 눴어

그러니까 이제 한 가지 뿐야

그건 나가는 거겠지
여자와 약속이 2시간 지났어

나가면 네가
체포됐었다고 말해 줘

그럼 대단하다고 여길 걸
실제 그러니까

 

래퍼티, 네스빗
너희 보석 보증됐다

- 정말요?
- 나간다

 

- 젠장
- 왜?

 

렉스형일 거야

 

우린 이렇게 됐어, 두에인

하지만 우리가
전에 얘기한대로

난 데니스가 하는 말
믿지 않아

누군가 위대한 미국 소설을
아직 쓸 수 있다고 생각해

그러니까 어떤 경우도
견뎌내, 친구

 

안녕

 

매리!

 

어떻게 날 찾았어?

네 휴대폰에 걸었는데 여기래

잘 했어, 그래

괜찮은 거야?
왜 구치소에?

테이스티:
마지막 기회! 자정, 빅보이에서
1분 늦으면 완전 끝!

혐의가 여러 개지만 주된 건
동물학대랑 경찰폭행이었어

하지만 서류에 적힌 것만큼
나쁜 건 전혀 아냐, 약속해

- 그래
- 여기서 기다려

됐어

 

- 테디
- 랜스, 어서 와

- 내 물건 있죠?
- 몇 분 걸려

알았어요

- 딸이 아직 그 쿠키 팔아요?
- 응

그 지갑을 찾아주면
하나 살게요

- 고맙군
- 지금 딸은 어때요?

방금 당신과 한판 했으니
더 낼 필요는 없겠지

 

낙스빌 17마일

 

You can't know, oh, no
You can't know

How much I think
about you, no

 

It's making my head spin

 

Looking at you
And you are looking at me

And we both know what we want

 

So close to giving in

 

이안, 이거 하지마

랜스처럼 되지 마
넌 착해

그래서 아직도 동정이지

동정이면 어때?
그건 그냥 섹스야

아니, 섹스에 대한 게 아냐
그게 아냐, 내가 이상한 거야

내가 아는 한
동정은 나 뿐이야

 

해내야 돼
그래야 놀리지 않지

네가 싫어하는 거 알지만
미안, 난 동정인 채 안 돌아가

 

그럼 나랑 해

 

뭐라고?

 

나랑 하자고
낯선이랑 하지 말고

 

친구 사이니까
그런 거 넌 안 걸려

매독, 생식기 혹이나
여자 것에서 생길만한 거

펠리샤, 화끈해

 

근데 있지?

 

차라리 영원히
동정인 채 있겠어

연민의 섹스로 그걸 잃느니

 

- 연민의 섹스 얘기가 아냐
- 그럼 뭔데?

몰라, 섹스지

무슨 의미가 필요해

우리 우정이
금가지도 않을 거고

펠리샤, 근데
우정은 집어쳐

 

미안하지만 못 해

네가 남자친구 얘기하는 걸
더 이상 들어줄 수 없어

 

널 한밤중에 데려오고

데릭 디코츠가
딴 여자 만나다면서

네 하소연 상대가 되진 않아

 

내가 이기적인지 모르지만
그게 다가 아냐

난 저 문을 나가서는
무의미한 섹스를 할 거야

되는대로 어쩜 화끈한
어쩜 여자인 인터넷 상대와

 

네게 더 그럴듯한 말이 없다면

 

그럴 줄 알았다

 

애꾸눈

 

어떻게 찾았어?

도난추적기라고 들어봤냐?

 

잠깐만, 그 여자
내가 말했던 인터넷 여자

길 건너에 있어
나랑 하고 싶어해

상관할 거 같냐

 

짐 싸라, 별종밑밥
집에 간다

- 알았어, 좋아
- 당장!

 

아마 바꾸지 못했을 거야

어떻든 간에 내가 최근에
겪은 이 모든 느낌을

 

무슨 얘기지?

 

몰라, 그냥 느낌

 

호기심

 

남자에 대해

 

뭐야, 이안!

 

형 말 맞는지 몰라

어쩜 난 되는지 몰라

- 게이로 말야
- 망할!

 

그냥 여자엔
운이 안 따르는 걸, 렉스형

 

절대 안돼, 내 동생이
남자 걸 거기 받게 못해

 

차를 갖고 간다

자연의 순리대로
여자를 후린다

한 시간 준다

 

- 이안
- 응?

 

기름 채워줄래?

- 기름이 거의 없어
- 알았어

고맙다

 

어이, 혹시

상대를 찾나?

 

'테이스티'세요?

이안?

 

바람맞히는 줄 알았지

 

왔네, 보자

사진에서 보던 거랑
좀 다르네

맞아, 몸무게 줄었거든
러닝 연습에, 독감 때문에

 

대빵 귀여워
또 차도 정말 예뻐

 

태워 줄거야?

 

그래, 테이스티양

진짜 이름은?

 

나중에 듣는게 어떨까?

 

그래

 

그거 좋지

 

Below the ocean

 

Where I wanna be

 

She may be

Way down below the ocean...

- 매리, 기다려
- 뭐?

- 왜 그래?
- 아무것도

아무것도, 난 그냥...

정말 네가 좋아

 

이걸 망치고 싶지 않아

 

네가 시카고에 오면
함께 지낼 수 있는데

 

- 그래서 좀 더...
- 아니, 랜스

 

그렇겐 안 돼

 

안 돌아가면 난 배척당해

 

내 가족을 다시 못 봐

 

아미쉬 관습 정말 엿같아

그래 말해 봐

 

- 이안
- 응

우리 옷 벗어야겠어

 

정말? 여기서?

 

근처에 아무도 없어, 어서

 

알았어

 

- 어때?
- 고마워

 

오늘 더 나은 가슴을 봤어

 

솔직히 말해줘서 고마워

 

좋은데

 

정말?

네가 딱이야

- 너무 다정해
- 그래

 

네 옷 벗겨야겠네

그래, 그래야겠지

나 풋볼 선수 아냐

 

알았어

정말 아냐
풋볼을 보지도 않아

얘기했던 건 다
금요일 밤에서 본거야

연속극이야, 또 영화기도 해
주연이 빌리 밥 쏜톤이고

- 이안
- 왜?

내 프로필 모든 걸 다
진짜로 믿었어?

아냐

 

옷 벗어

 

어떤 여자가 있어

이건 우리만의 비밀로 해
아무도 모를 거야

 

이리 와

 

미안해, 아무래도

 

너랑 이거 못하겠어

 

너랑 키스하는데
생각은 딴 애한테 가 있어

 

바보같은 말인 줄 알지만
그 앤 심지어...

 

울지 마, 과거 추억은 아니고
너 예뻐

 

아니, 웃네

어서 옷이나 벗어, 멍청아!

 

이리 데려오려는 건 아니고

집에 태워다 주려 했는데...

뭐야?

무슨 지랄이야, 쨔샤?

 

너 갭 모델이야?

 

- 잭 카드 있어?
- 그래

 

- 이겼다
- 또네

 

- 그냥 셔츠 벗어
- 그래, 좋아

 

네 말 맞아, 이안, 69년 '저지'
널 기다린 보람이 있어

 

- 제발, 그거 내 차 아냐!
- 네 젊잖은 여친이랑 잘 해봐

 

망할 것들!

 

펠리샤, 제길!

거기서 아주 멋졌어

- 너무 사랑해
- 좋아

 

늘 가슴을
보여줘야만 하는 거야?

나한테 총이 있잖아

- 이건 너만의 것이야
- 그래 좋아

 

- 금방 한 대 더 오게 해놨어
- 알았어

날 빅보이에 데려다 주고
루이스에게 이 차는 넘겨

 

루이스는 어디 있다고?

 

5번가 그레센트야

- 말해줬잖아
- 어딘지 알아

 

네가 잘하면
엄마가 진짜 잘해줄게

 

정말?

 

내가 좋아하는 걸로?

 

우리가 같은 걸 얘기하는지
확인해야겠어

물건 쥐어짜기

 

물건 쥐어짜기!

 

물건 쥐어짜기! 그래

 

안녕

 

안녕, 마침내 왔네

- 안녕, 테이스티
- 안녕 안녕

 

- 망할, 정말 화끈해
- 그래

 

- 맥주랑 콘돔 가져왔지
- 네 젖꼭지에 쏠 로션도

 

- 마라톤이 아냐
- 단거리야

- 빵
- 성기에

그래

 

펠리샤지?

 

난 바비 조야

 

안녕

 

아미쉬 처자랑 하다니 꿈같아

정말 이런 게 흔할까?

 

그래, 더 해줘

 

그러니까 뭐냐

정말 파티 할거야?

- 우리랑?
- 그럼, 우리 다 벗고 파티해

 

당장 나와라, 죽일 놈!

 

넌 또 뭐냐?

이런 남생이들!

그래요

 

내 실수요
딴 사람인 줄 알았소

내 차를 부쉈으니

 

네 걸 가져야겠다

웃기는군

 

여기 열쇠요
왼쪽으로 돌려요

 

어이, 염색씨, 물러 서

 

날 씹어라, 개자식!

 

왜 이러는 거냐?

 

랜스? 대체 무슨 일이야?

- 저 놈이 내가 찾던 놈이야!
- 어이, 어떻게 여길...

네 컴퓨터 지도 봤다, 얼간아!

 

유세하냐, 너와 남친, 이리 와
지금은 말썽부리지 마

어서, 이리 와

 

바비 조!

 

- 저건 누구야?
- 누구?

- 저거!
- 펠리샤야

뒷좌석에 숨어 있었어
별거 아냐

지랄! 그럼 다 들었잖아

- 이봐!
- 제길, 네가 맞아

 

이리 와, 자기

- 닥쳐!
- 머리는 놔둬

- 엎드려!
- 진정해요

- 알았어요
- 그 여자한테서 손 떼!

 

- 우리 차 쏘지마
- 인정사정 없군

 

제발! 안돼!

 

- 좋아, 물러서
- 이안이니?

모두 그냥 가만 있어

- 펠리샤, 괜찮아?
- 그래, 좋아

이안, 총 넘겨
그러다 네 물건 쏴 날릴라

- 렉스, 내가 맡아
- 이안!

망할, 렉스, 내가 맡아!
지금은 나서지 마!

 

물러서라고
저 도넛 장난 아냐

 

볼 수 있게 손 들어!

 

- 너 말할 때 인형 입 움직여
- 뭔 상관이야!

 

그래 미안
잘하고 있어, 자랑스러워

 

정말이야
정말 그럴만 해

- 테이스티와 너...
- 바비 조야

 

이안이야
저리 가, 천천히

 

좋아, 너, 옥수수먹보
내 친구 랜스를 친다

딱 한 대

- 야, 뭐야?
- 저놈 여친 먹었잖아

- 그런 건 아니잖아
- 그래서 여기까지 왔잖아

좋아, 그래
단지 알은 말고

 

대단한 펀치야
내 자식들 저능아 되겠다

- 팔에 대포를 달았구만
- 그래, 좀 다쳤네

고마워
귀가 멍멍하네

멈춰! 경고한다

이봐, 그러지 말고
넌 사람 못 죽여

 

- 공중에야 아무나 쏘지
- 다리에 쏜다

빨아 버려, 이안!

- 정말?
- 정말로 안 보여?

 

불알 달린 놈으로 안 보이는데

 

하느님!

 

제길

 

알었어, 알았어

 

다리야 아무나 쏘지

 

- 총 내놔
- 맙소사, 나 어떡해?

 

꼼짝 마, 얼간아
안 그럼 피얼룩 져

 

이년 어딜 가려고!

계집애 싸움이네!

 

'Cause I can't fight
this feeling anymore

 

I've forgotten what
I started fighting for

 

And if I have to crawl
upon the floor

Come crashing
through your door

Baby, I can't fight
this feeling anymore

 

무기 버려라, 도넛맨!

 

손 머리 위로 올려!

 

- 양 손 다, 얼간아!
- 다른 손 못 움직여요

누가 말했어? 누구야?

다른 손 못 움직여요

 

경관님, 저항 안 해요
이건 발포섬유예요

 

거인 멕시코놈 안 쓰러진다!
사격하라!

 

사격 멈춰요!
멈추라구요!

여긴 나쁜 놈 아녜요!
저년이 차도둑이에요

저쪽요!
금발의 벨트있는 스커트녀

 

다른 건요?

 

루이스란 작자가 있고
차량분해소가

5번가 크레센트예요

 

좀 전에 그 년을
우리 차에서 먹었구요

- 아까 들었어요
- 네, 왕창 먹었죠

그놈 정말 배짱 셌어요

 

정말 배짱 셌어요

이쪽은 릭이야
소규모 풋볼에서 뛰었대

- 매리예요
- 반가워요

이상한 친구 뒀네요

다 배고파요?
여긴 24시간 여나?

 

날 위해 와줘서 고마워

 

뒷좌석에서
뭐 하고 있던 거야?

 

별로, 그저...

 

- 내 뒤를 밟았구나
- 아냐, 안 그랬어

 

그래, 약간 밟았어

 

네가 나중에 후회할 일
하는 줄 알고

 

왜 그냥 말 못해?

 

넌 왜 못해?

 

먼저 물었어

 

좋아, 말 할게

 

네가 날 사랑하니까

좋아

 

너도 날 사랑하니까

 

Life is beautiful

 

But it's complicated

We barely make it

 

- 고쳤군요!
- 네

기대지 말아요

 

네 목숨 살려주마

 

- 당신네 대단해요
- 고맙소

잠깐 진지한 얘기 좀

부품들, 노임, 문짝해서
4200이네요

 

대략요

네
아니, 전 정말로...

 

어찌 해야 할지

장난한 거야, 이안
우린 됐어요

- 정말요?
- 정말, 됐어요, 걱정 말고

- 정말로요?
- 물론이죠

내가 사는 이유죠
공짜로 딴 사람 걸 고치는 거요

 

곧장 집에 가!

우리 가야지

 

이런 젠장!

너희 어서 가
난 여기서 아미쉬식으로 지낼게

대체 뭔 말이지?

글쎄, 좀 힘든 노동
신선한 공기, 선교직 등

남자 삶이잖아

- 꽤 멋있지?
- 그래, 근데 랜스

 

장난 말고

 

말할게, 너 대단했어
자랑스러워

좋은 애한테 손을 뻗었어
네가 바라던 애한테

 

그리고 그걸 이뤘어

근데 제발 비는데
쟤 데리고 할머니 찾아 봬

- 그래
- 갈 때는 절대...

- 랜스, 알고 있어
- 그래?

 

좋아, 그럴 것 같아

- 또 봐
- 안녕

 

Well, no, no, me
I never worry

 

Because, me, I never try

And I never care to hold onto
what I just couldn't kiss goodbye

 

정말 준비됐어?

그래

 

좋아, 그럼 벗어

 

하자고

 

야!

제길!

 

뭐야!

그 신발 내놔

엿 먹어!
이혼할 거야

몇 주 후 티파니 결혼식에
난 펠리샤 짝이었다

이번엔
그저 친구 사이가 아니었다

 

렉스 때문에 내 생활은
한 동안 정말 고달펐다

 

근데 추수감사절에

그 동안 그를 괴롭혔던 것을
우린 마침내 알게 됐다

난 게이에요!

그게 다예요

 

성탄절 무렵쯤
아빠는 그 사실에 익숙해졌다

렉스형도 실제
요즘은 착한 사람이 됐다

그래서 이제 그는 '호모'란 말을
거친 섹스 때만 쓴다

아내와 내가 성탄 선물로
이걸 준비했다

- 메리 크리스마스
- 고마워요

 

주스기

놀랐어요, 너무 멋져요
과일 좀 사야겠어요

 

고마워요

 

딜런은 베카에게 녹아서
내 예전 일을 해야만 했다

 

또 누가 있지?

 

앤디와 랜디는
드디어 여친이 생겼다

 

새해 전날에
우린 마침내 할머니를 방문했다

또 할래?

 

그래

 

- 펠리샤, 이렇게 할래?
- 응

 

그거 멋지다!

 

랜스의 결혼식 사진

 

감독: 숀 앤더스

 

각본: 숀 앤더스, 존 모리스

 

원작: 앤디 베렌스 저
"All The Way"

 

- 좀 쉬었어요?
- 고마워요, 버스 고쳐줘서

- 정말 고마워요
- 공연해 줘서 고마워요

- 뭘요
- 훌륭한 5곡 세트였어요

 

보통 하시는 게 뭐든
그 보답은 잘 받은 거겠죠

- 멋진 삶 맞죠?
- 네, 잘 받았어요

당신네 손해를 계산해 봤죠
버스 운행이 안 될 경우

당신네가 공연에 못 갈 경우

그 십대 여자애들은 밖에서
울면서 이러겠죠

"춤춰야 되는데"

사진 보내드릴까요?
현금같은 게 없거든요

- 사인한 사진들요?
- 아니면 CD도 드릴게요

여기선 그런 게 많이 필요하죠

여긴 해야 될 일거리가
참 많아요

당신네 참 건장한 청년들이니까

글쎄요, 우리가 그런 일을
할 수 있을지...

 

- 그러게
- 다 들려요

내 말은 그저 당신넨
단지 20분 공연을 했고

우린 밤새 버스를 고쳤죠

일이 많았단 거죠

우리가 나중에 수표를
써 드리든지

말씀 드렸듯이
CD를 좀 보내드리든지

도시 사람들은 늘 해결을
돈으로 하려 하죠

여기선 공동체 정신이죠

주여, 축복하소서
이 Fall Out Boy를

길에서 안전하게 하소서

도우소서 이들이
'존 본 조비' 반열에 서도록

- 도우소서 이들이...
- 됐어요, 고마워요

우리 가야 되요
고마워요

그래요, 만나서 반가웠어요

근데 당신 물건
인터넷 뜬거 잘 봤어요

- 웃기는 얼간이야
- 당신 좆이야

 

Say my name and his
in the same breath

I dare you to say
they taste the same

Let the leaves
fall off in the summer

And let December
glow feel flames

 

Brace myself and let go

Start it over again in Mexico

These friends
they don't love you

They just love
the hotel suites, now

I don't care what you think

As long as it's about me

The best of us
can find happiness

In misery

 

Said, I don't care
what you think

As long as it's about me

The best of us
can find happiness

In misery

 

Oh, take a chance,
let your body get a tolerance

I'm not a chance,
but a heat wave in your pants

Pull a breath like
another cigarette

Palms up, I'm trading 'em

 

Trading 'em

I'm the oracle in my chest

 

Let the guitar
scream like a fascist

Sweat it out, shut your mouth

Free love on the streets

But in the alley
and I ain't that cheap, now

I don't care what you think

As long as it's about me

The best of us
can find happiness

In misery

Said, I don't care
what you think

As long as it's about me

The best of us
can find happiness

In misery

 

Said I don't care
just what you think

As long as it's about me

Said I don't care
just what you think

As long as it's about me

Said I don't care, I don't care

Said I don't care, I don't care

Said I don't care, I don't care

 

No, I don't

I don't care, I don't care

I don't care

I don't care what you think

As long as it's about me

 

The best of us
can find happiness

In misery

Said I don't care
what you think

As long as it's about me

The best of us
can find happiness

In misery

 

안녕하세요, 전 전문 배우
아만다 크루예요

10대용 무등급판에는 모두

스타의 누드 부분이
절대 없는 걸 아실 거예요

 

자, 그게 오늘 바뀝니다

그래요, 앉아요

엄마가 못 들어오게
문을 닫고요

준비하세요, 잘 보세요

 

갑니다

 

멍청이!

 

이건 중대사야

 

네 삶을 위해 뛰라고

젠장! 봐, 가짜 알이
탁자 위에 보이잖아

 

- 좋아, 다른 씬 찍지, 컷
- 컷

 

So at this point,
her panties are off,

 

but I'm still apprehensive
about her husband being there,

 

'cause he is just staring at me.

 

Whoa! Hey, what is this?
Why are the seats out?

 

Ian, do you know anything
about fixing these old Pontiacs?

 

I don't care, okay?
Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just

 

- put them back in there. I don't want...
- Ian, you've gotta calm down.

 

Do you know any breathing exercises?

 

Because you are right on the verge
of a freak-out.

 

You don't know my brother, okay?
He's gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters.

 

What? He's gonna what? With what?

 

Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early,
and he's gonna walk into the bank,

 

stand in line, change a 10,

 

find my ass and just fuck it
with a roll of fucking quarters.

 

Yeah, witness sucks!

 

We've got to get that guy laid tonight.

 

Is your sister still a slut?

 

Check it out. It's totally working.

 

You're the best wing-man ever.

 

She's in, she's in. Watch this.

 

Rumspringa! Whoo!

 

- I took a wicked digger.
- Yes, you did.

 

I think you may have had a little too much
to drink. Maybe you should...

 

Maybe you should shut your face hole
'cause I've only had one beer ever.

 

- First day of Rumspringa?
- Rumspringa!

 

- Uh-oh!
- Oh!

 

Hey.

 

- All right. Okay. You good? All right.
- Aw! You guys are so nice.

 

Don't let her step in it.

 

I love you guys 'cause you're awesome.

 

'Cause you're awesome.

 

Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off.

 

What? What's wrong with you?

 

- Yeah, what's your problem, bitch?
- Nothing. I'm fine.

 

Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off.

 

- It's Lance, right?
- No.

 

I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl
and you're out here.

 

Wrong.

 

Come on, Leesh, just drop
the hard-ass thing for two minutes.

 

You know. It's okay. You're into Lance.

 

- God, I'm such an idiot.
- Look, there's something about Lance.

 

Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance.

 

Just promise me
you won't ever be like Lance.

 

What is wrong with us?
Let's go have some fun. Come on.

 

- No. No.
- No?

 

Come on, we're young, and we're Amish,
and it's Rumspringa.

 

Rumspringa!

 

Ian, you little cock-sucker!

 

Ah!

 

Leesh, you're so stubborn.
Look at your feet.

 

They are fine. All right?

 

Hey. What's the plan?

 

I might as well find a phone and call Rex

 

- so he can get on with killing me.
- What about visiting your grandma?

 

Yeah, dude. You been putting off
visiting your grandma for too long.

 

- It's about time you visited Grandma.
- Yeah.

 

Lance, you know,
I really do want to visit my grandma, but...

 

Dude, I really can't stress enough how
much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma.

 

You know, I visit my grandma sometimes
two or three times a week,

 

and it is always a pleasure.
She's just a delight.

 

What am I supposed to do?

 

Our transportation is all over the floor
of that barn.

 

Hey, Mary!

 

Hi.

 

Wow, you look beautiful.

 

Oh, please.

 

I mean, seriously, you wearing that,
churning some butter. Sexy.

 

So I had the best time with you last night.

 

Yeah, me, too.

 

So you got my number.
You're gonna call me, right?

 

No.

 

"No." You're funny.

 

I mean, Lance, I really like you,
but Rumspringa's over for me.

 

- So...
- Rumspringa!

 

Sorry.

 

You fixed it?

 

Yeah, we hit a few snags,
but she's banging like a champ now.

 

Man, I don't even...
I don't even know what to say here.

 

You know, I don't really have much...

 

Oh, no, we're good. We're good.

 

I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor,
that's a gift.

 

Man, you're too... Here, thanks.
Thank you so much.

 

- You're welcome.
- Thank you, it's really cool.

 

It is. You know, I mean,

 

if you felt the need to reciprocate
in some way,

 

I mean, there's a lot of chores
that need to be done around here.

 

Yeah, no, the only thing about that is
we're kind of behind schedule right now.

 

Yeah, but, I mean,
we could totally come back.

 

- We could hit you on our way back through.
- Okay.

 

Yeah, you should.
You should really get on the road.

 

I mean, you got a smooth-running
vehicle now, you know, 'cause we fixed it.

 

- Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good?
- We're good. Yeah, technically.

 

I mean, we fixed your car for free,
and you're leaving.

 

So I'd say that makes us dead square.

 

We'll come back. I promise.

 

- I'm looking forward to that.
- Hey, no, seriously, we will.

 

Okay. We'll all hold our breath
till you get back.

 

On three, guys. Three, two...

 

My stomach's killing me.
Tell me if you see a rest stop.

 

You know, I really feel sorry for Mary

 

because her lifestyle is keeping her
from being happy.

 

And that's no way to live.

 

Lance, don't you know your little theory of
"People want what they can't get."

 

That's all she is. Ian, gas station.

 

No. Felicia, this is different okay,
because she changed me.

 

You know, I'm a butterfly now
because of her.

 

Because when I'm with her,
I was like a spiritually whole human being.

 

And if you don't believe that,
you can suck my dick.

 

Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, Ian.

 

'Cause you're a big, giant pussy.
That's right.

 

I'm gonna lift up this door
and my big fucking glorious bitchy Judge

 

is gonna be sitting right there
gleaming at me,

 

or I'm gonna have the fucking
neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.

 

Want some of this?

 

He took my fucking baby.

 

Cocksucker!

 

Shit!

 

Hey, Knievel, what say you get
your bike out of the fricking road?

 

Hey! Hey!

 

All ocupado, sport?

 

Sounds like
someone's got one in sideways.

 

Gents.

 

Well, looks like we're up.
Go on, get in there.

 

Oh!

 

Am I getting a signal?

 

Tasty, I got sidetracked last night.

 

I had to party with some new homies.

 

Tonight, 8:00 p.m. at Big Boy.

 

I'm worth the wait.

 

Yes!

 

No! Oh, God! No, thank you! No, thank you!

 

Hello? Little buddy? Hello.

 

Spooner. Spooner. Spooner.

 

Was that you screaming in there?
- I don't want to talk about it. Ever.

 

- Where's Felicia?
- She went to get corn dogs.

 

Can you believe
the girls around here, man?

 

But, man, where am I ever gonna find
another girl as cool as Mary?

 

You like it?

 

- What about Felicia?
- What about her?

 

- She's into you.
- Yeah, no shit. Get in line.

 

What is that?
She's not good enough for you?

 

Felicia's awesome,

 

but the obvious statement to make here
is that you like her.

 

- What? No, I...
- You're shocked. You can't believe it.

 

- This bombshell. Come on.
- You know, she's not into me anyways.

 

Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter.
I still... I could never do that to you.

 

Okay, but you do know
that she's not into you, right?

 

- Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know.
- No. No, no, I'm gonna stop you.

 

There's no maybe. Okay?
And I'm saying this as your best friend,

 

but never. Never fucking ever. You know?

 

Because you guys are friends.

 

You know what every girl
I've ever banged had in common?

 

I wasn't friends with any of them.

 

And usually they have awesome tits,
but not always.

 

Sometimes you get that bronze medal,
you know?

 

Real simple.
Climb the rope, hit the bell, win a prize.

 

Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins,
there's no height requirement.

 

Why don't you step up
and win your girlfriend a prize?

 

We're not... She's not my girlfriend.

 

- What about your other girlfriend there?
- Nice.

 

All right, come on, Ian. You can do it.

 

Come on, you're almost there!
You're almost there! Go, go, go!

 

Winner! Winner! Winner!

 

- That was awesome.
- How the hell did you do that?

 

We had one of these at Cub Scout camp.
I kind of mastered it.

 

Yeah, you think you're hot shit?

 

- Lolly?
- Thank you.

 

Hey, hey, hey, ass.

 

Hey. What's your secret?

 

You just...
If you keep your shoulders down...

 

- No coaching.
- What?

 

No coaching there, Lombardi.
Read the sign.

 

No coaching.

 

Cheese and rice!

 

Oh!

 

- Thanks. I'm Sandy.
- I'm Ian.

 

- Hi.
- Hey.

 

- Consolation prize?
- Wow! Thank you so much.

 

You know, my dance team's performing
over at the tent in a couple of minutes.

 

You guys should come watch.

 

- Actually, we were just about to go.
- That sounds super fun. He'll be there.

 

Great. See you.

 

Dude, that girl reeks of sex.

 

- Really?
- Yeah.

 

Hey, Harry Potter,
take you and your girlfriends out of here.

 

What are you looking at, Ellen DeGeneres?
I will crush you.

 

That's right. I'm not afraid to hit a lady.

 

Everybody's talking all this stuff about me

 

Why don't they just let me live?

 

I don't need permission

 

- Do we really have time for...
- Hey, hey.

 

You have to stop doing that to him.

 

- Doing what?
- Twat blocking.

 

I'm not twat... Doing that.

 

Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers!

 

Come on, girls,
let's help me get some fellas up in here.

 

- Ian.
- Oh, no. Please.

 

Get up there. Come on.

 

Come on!

 

In the back! In the back!

 

Yeah!

 

Come on, two more, two more!

 

Yeah!

 

Dude, turn around.

 

Look at this fine crop
of handsome fellas I got here.

 

But before we get down to business,

 

there's a young woman here

 

who would like to share her story
with these young men.

 

- Kristy, you ready, baby?
- Okay.

 

So, last year I was at a dance
with my boyfriend.

 

He wanted to go to his car.

 

So I did.

 

So we were both naked in the back seat
and we started having oral...

 

Yeah!

 

Daddy likes that!

 

Excuse me!

 

Excuse me!
Is this tragic story turning you on?

 

This courageous young lady pours
her heart out and this is getting you hot?

 

It's time for you to pledge. Right now!

 

Boy, you need this more than anybody.

 

Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain.

 

I can't believe you took
a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard-on.

 

It's classic.

 

Look, I didn't even know what she was
talking about. That doesn't count! Okay?

 

- Ian! Hey!
- It gets better.

 

I am so proud of you!

 

Get away from me. Is that what you do?

 

You go out and you lure little dorks like me
into your little no-having-sex club?

 

Ian, it's not like that at all.

 

Just go away. Now.

 

- I would've eaten your asshole, you know.
- Really?

 

- Oh, man.
- Wow.

 

You can keep your stupid
flipping lollipop, anyway!

 

- You are dead, psycho-virgin!
- No, no!

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

 

Hey, are you sure you want to get
dental work done in Floater, Kentucky?

 

Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like.

 

- Thank you.
- Welcome.

 

Fine, okay, you were right.
My feet are killing me,

 

and I never should've tossed my shoes.

 

No, come on.
I love that your shoes are in that tree.

 

I do. That's premium Felicia.

 

Felicia Alpine.

 

Oh.

 

- So what'd you do to her?
- Hmm?

 

Smack her around a little bit?

 

She gets out of line, you pop her one?

 

- No. No, sir, I...
- I got you. I'm just teasing you, man.

 

We have fun.

 

- He didn't, though, did he?
- Hmm? Mmm-mmm.

 

Blink twice if you feel you're in danger.

 

Be back in a couple minutes.
I'm gonna wait for that to numb up.

 

Mmm-hmm.

 

Hands to yourself, O.J.

 

Ian, you know the other night
at Lance's party?

 

- Was I there?
- No, come on.

 

Here.

 

I mean, you know the only reason is
because I don't want to ruin our friendship.

 

Totally, I mean friendship is awesome.
Good call.

 

I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you.

 

- You won't.
- What are you thinking about?

 

- What are you thinking about?
- I asked you first.

 

You got a little loogie.

 

I'm gonna go see if Lance...

 

Mmm-hmm.

 

Go. Go.

 

Um, I'll take these as well.

 

They're not for me. They're not.

 

- Heads up.
- What's with you?

 

I'm thinking maybe we head back home.

 

What? Why?

 

Well, Felicia and I were talking in there,

 

- and we kind of had a moment.
- Oh! Oh, did you guys have a little moment?

 

- Yeah.
- You're a moron.

 

Fuck you. We've talked about this.

 

Look, we're almost there,
and I'm not letting her do this.

 

We're going to Knoxville,
and you're getting your nut.

 

No, I'm not. I'm not.

 

No, I'm gonna text Tasty,
and I'm gonna tell her I'm not coming.

 

- Ian, get in this car.
- I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

 

Shit, where's my phone?
Hey, you got a new smile.

 

You have my phone. I didn't know...
This is for you.

 

Mmm! A message came in.

 

Your grandma says she's really excited
to see you.

 

And something about her hot,
shaved pussy.

 

Must be the cancer talking.

 

All right. Good deal.
We're going to Knoxville.

 

All I've got is frustration, frustration

 

I hate this vacation

 

So, give up, give up
Give up, give up

 

I've got to get away from here
It's killing me just thinking 'bout

 

Frustration, frustration
I hate this vacation...

 

Ian, you're going the wrong way.

 

- We're going home.
- What?

 

Please, do not turn around
because of me. Okay.

 

- Yeah, no shit.
- I'm dying to see Ms. Tasty.

 

This is going to be hilarious.

 

A hundred bucks says she has a wiener.

 

Look, I said we're going home.
I don't want to talk about it.

 

I knew you'd find some way
to fuck this up for him.

 

Me? You two are fucking scheming
behind my back.

 

- No, we're not.
- Okay. You stole Rex's car.

 

You drove halfway across the country.

 

This must be what you want to do.
So do it, chicken shit!

 

- Fucking A, chicken shit.
- Fine! You know what?

 

I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch,
and I'll go pork somebody. Right now.

 

I'll be that guy. Is that what you want?

 

- Be that guy! That guy rules.
- Sounds awesome.

 

- That would make me so happy.
- All right. All right. Fantastic! I'm doing it.

 

Watch out, Ian! Fuck!
- Watch it, Ian!

 

Whoo!

 

You like that?
- Did your fucking balls just drop?

 

Holy shit, Ian.

 

- Oh, man, it's this douche again.
- You want it? You got it.

 

- Hold on to your pantyhose.
- Okay, we gotta work on your banter,

 

but otherwise, this is awesome.

 

- You're losing him.
- No, I got him. I got him.

 

- Jesus, Ian! Not so close.
- God damn it!

 

No way, man! You're dead.

 

Sorry. He's all right.

 

This guy's fucking dangerous!

 

Where is he? Talk to me, dudes.

 

Right up our ass. He's in our ass.

 

He's tagging out.
- Ladies!

 

Ian, look out!

 

Oh! Oh!

 

God damn it.

 

What were you doing, man? Shit.

 

Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault.
He jumped right in front of you.

 

Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault.

 

Now, come on, man,
this possum's not gonna fuck you.

 

We gotta go find Ms. Tasty.

 

He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna
leave him here by himself. Okay?

 

Okay. You're right.

 

We gotta help him.
We gotta call a vet or something.

 

Ian, look at him.
There's not a lot that we can do.

 

You may want to cover your eyes,
sweetheart, there could be some splatter.

 

- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm gonna take him out of his misery.

 

They don't make little wheelchairs for him.
He's done, man.

 

Fuck you, Lance.
God, you don't even give a shit about him.

 

I'll do it.

 

I'm sorry.

 

All possums go to heaven.

 

Uh... Ian. It... I think it's still...

 

Shit.

 

Oh, no.

 

Ian, I'm so sorry, it's...

 

Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it!
I'm trying to do the right thing here.

 

- He's really hanging in there.
- God! Fuck!

 

You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby
has got to be about a year old now.

 

I can't believe she had a fucking baby.

 

How was I supposed to know
it was an endangered possum?

 

You know, the vet said there's actually
a good chance he might pull through.

 

You better hope so, mister. Get in.

 

Lock up cell B.

 

We are in jail.

 

Okay, listen, you have got to be cool,
'cause if they see you shitting yourself

 

they're gonna fuck with us.

 

Hey! Hey, ladies.

 

Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down
before me and you have a problem?

 

How about you just chill out, man?
Be cool.

 

- All right. We good?
- Yeah, we're good.

 

- Excuse me.
- Listen, old man, I'm only gonna tell you...

 

You should've seen the look in his eyes.

 

His heart was breaking
for this poor little thing.

 

Shit, that boy Ian don't seem
like he got no balls at all.

 

Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some
over a suffering critter?

 

I think that's real sweet.

 

Well, I say this Lance,
he sounds like a real hunk of man.

 

The only way you can keep his kind around
is to get his babies up in you pronto.

 

But he got no respect for bitches.

 

Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches.
None whatsoever.

 

You love Ian, don't you, baby?

 

Well, it's just we've been best friends
since we were really little,

 

and I don't know, he's the only person
I can really talk to, you know?

 

You give your heart to that boy,

 

and you can toss that "friendship" right out
the motherfucking window.

 

When I was a girl, my best friend was
a fella named Creighton McDaniel.

 

We used to stay up all night just talking
and laughing and carrying on.

 

Then one day I got it into my head
that we ought to be more than friends.

 

So I tell him I love him.

 

What happened?

 

We dated for a few weeks.

 

Then he met a gal over in Wofford.

 

We still talk from time to time.

 

But it was never the same between us.

 

Baby. Come here.
Come on, now. Come on, now.

 

You know you need a hug.
Come on, honey.

 

Cuddle up.

 

Dude.

 

- What?
- Look, you're pissing in front of everybody.

 

Yeah, I am.

 

- And that guy's looking right at your dick.
- Atta-boy.

 

- Look at you. You're a new man.
- No, I'm not.

 

Dude. You stole a car, ran over a hillbilly,

 

you got arrested, you got in a prison fight.

 

See Duane, he was there.

 

And I mean, you really beat
an endangered species to death today.

 

That's got to count for something.

 

And now you're in here in jail pissing
like a big dog in front of all the perverts.

 

I mean, there's only one thing left.

 

Yeah, well, that's out.
I was supposed to meet her two hours ago.

 

Dude, when we get out of here,
just tell her you got pinched.

 

She'll think that's bad-ass,
because it totally is.

 

Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted.

 

Really?

 

- Time to go.
- Shit!

 

- What?
- Rex.

 

Oh.

 

All right, this is it for us, Duane,

 

but, you know, back to what we were
talking about earlier,

 

I don't give a shit what Denise says,

 

I think there's still room for somebody
to write the great American novel.

 

So take that for whatever it's worth, buddy.

 

Hey.

 

Mary!

 

Wait. Wait. How did you find me?

 

Well, I called your cell phone,
and then someone answered here.

 

- That's awesome. Okay.
- Are you okay? Why are you in jail?

 

I mean, there's a number of charges,

 

but the most prominent ones
were animal cruelty

 

and the assaulting the officer.

 

But it's not nearly as bad
as it sounds on paper, okay? I promise.

 

- Okay.
- Okay. Wait right here. Okay.

 

- Teddy.
- Lance, my man.

 

- You guys got my stuff?
- It's gonna be a few minutes.

 

All right.

 

- Your daughter still selling those cookies?
- Yes.

 

You find me that wallet, I'll buy one.

 

- That'd be nice of you.
- How is she now?

 

I'm just fucking with you.
I don't need one more charge brought.

 

You can't know, oh, no
You can't know

 

How much I think about you, no

 

It's making my head spin

 

Looking at you
And you are looking at me

 

And we both know what we want

 

So close to giving in

 

Ian, don't do this. No,
don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy.

 

Yeah, well, that's why I'm still a virgin.

 

So what if you're a virgin?
God, Ian, it's just sex. It's not...

 

No, Felicia, it's not about the sex.
It's not. I'm weird.

 

I'm the only virgin I know.
I need to get this done

 

so everyone can just stop
freaking out about it.

 

Look, I know you don't approve,
but I'm sorry, I just...

 

I'm not going home a virgin.

 

Then, sport, fuck me.

 

What?

 

Sport, fuck me and not some stranger.

 

We're friends so you know
you're not gonna get some, like,

 

crabs or genital warts
or some pussing thing that's coming...

 

Wow, Leesh. That's hot!

 

You know what?

 

I think I'd rather stay a virgin forever
than lose it on pity-sex.

 

- I'm not talking about pity-sex.
- Then what are you talking about?

 

I don't know. Sex.

 

It doesn't have to mean anything.
It doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship.

 

Ah!

 

Leesh, you know what?
Fuck the friendship!

 

I'm sorry, I just can't do it.

 

I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to
about your boyfriends anymore. I can't...

 

I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up
in the middle of the night,

 

and you're gonna cry to because
Derrick Dicottes found some other girl.

 

And maybe I'm just being selfish here,
but it is not enough.

 

Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door,
and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex

 

with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully
female person that I met on the Internet.

 

Unless you've got something better
to say to me.

 

That's what I thought.

 

Cyclops.

 

- How'd you find me?
- You ever heard of LoJack, cheese-dick?

 

Come here.

 

Burn that mother down, y'all

 

Burn, baby, burn

 

Disco inferno

 

Burn, baby, burn

 

Burn that mother down

 

Come on, Rex, wait. The girl...
The one I told you about from the Internet.

 

She's right across the street, Rex.
She wants to do it with me and everything.

 

Like I give a shit!

 

Get your shit, queer-bait!
We're going home.

 

Okay. Okay, fine.

 

Now!

 

It probably wouldn't have changed

 

all these feelings
that I've been having lately anyway.

 

What are you talking about?

 

I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings,

 

curiosity about men.

 

Oh, shit, Ian!

 

I think you might be right.
I think I might be getting gay.

 

God damn it. Fuck!

 

But I just haven't had
any luck with girls, Rex.

 

No way! No way my little brother's
taking it in the chili ring.

 

All right, you take the car,

 

and you go bang the female woman
like the good Lord intended.

 

You've got one hour!

 

- Ian.
- Yeah?

 

Fill up the tank, would you, buddy?

 

- Tank is at a little low. Yeah, thanks.
- Right.

 

Hey, man. You looking for somebody?

 

Ms. Tasty.

 

Ian?

 

Oh, my gosh! Hey.

 

I was sure you were standing me up.

 

- But here you are. Look at you.
- See you.

 

You look a little different than your picture.

 

Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight
'cause I had the runs... The flu.

 

Well, you're mighty cute,
and your car is really pretty.

 

Why don't you take me for a ride?

 

So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name?

 

- How about I tell you after?
- Yeah, sure.

 

Works for me.

 

... below the ocean
Where I wanna be

 

She may be

 

Way down below the ocean...

 

- No, Mary, wait.
- What?

 

- What's wrong?
- Nothing. I mean...

 

Nothing, I just... I really like you,

 

and I don't want to ruin this. You know?

 

But, hey, maybe you could come
to Chicago and we could hang out

 

- and take it a little...
- No.

 

Lance, it doesn't work like that.

 

And, I mean, if I don't go back,
I'm gonna be shunned.

 

I could never see my family again.

 

- This Amish thing is a real motherfucker.
- Yeah, tell me about it.

 

- Ian.
- Yeah.

 

I think we should take our clothes off.

 

Wow. Really? Right here?

 

Mmm-hmm.

 

No one's around for miles. Come on.

 

Okay.

 

- What do you think?
- Thank you.

 

That is one of the better sets
that I've seen today.

 

I appreciate your honesty.

 

They're nice.

 

Really?

 

You're fit.

 

- You're so sweet.
- Yeah.

 

I think we should
take your clothes off now.

 

Yeah, maybe we should.

 

- I don't play football!
- Okay.

 

I... I really don't.
I mean, I don't really even watch football.

 

I mean, I got all that stuff
from Friday Night Lights,

 

which is a show. It's also a movie
starring Billy Bob Thornton.

 

- I don't know if you saw it, but...
- Ian.

 

What? You think everything in my profile's
the God's honest truth? No.

 

Now, come on, take your clothes off.

 

Look, there's this girl...

 

Ian, this can be our little secret.
No one has to know.

 

Now come here.

 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you.

 

I'm kissing you,
and I'm thinking about somebody else.

 

No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say.
I mean, she's not even...

 

Oh, no, no, no.
Ms. Tasty, please don't cry.

 

It's not a reflection of...
You're so pretty, like...

 

You're laughing.

 

Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole!

 

Look, I'm sorry, okay.
I don't mean to lead you on here,

 

and I'll give you a ride home,
but I don't think that... What the fuck?

 

What's up with the bandana, dude? Huh?

 

What're you, a Gap model?

 

- Do you have any jacks?
- Yup.

 

- I win.
- Again.

 

Yup.

 

- All right, just take your shirt off.
- Okay, good.

 

You were right, Ian. '69 Judge.
You were worth the wait.

 

- Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car!
- And good luck with the lady friend.

 

Fuckface!

 

Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit.

 

Oh, Bobby,
you were so awesome back there.

 

- Love you so much.
- Cool.

 

Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you
always have to flash them the twins?

 

You know, I mean, I do got a gun.

 

- Oh, baby, you know they're only for you.
- Okay, cool.

 

Now, listen. I got another car coming
any minute now, okay?

 

- Got it.
- So take me back to the Big Boy

 

- and get this goat over to Luis.
- Right.

 

And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent!

 

- I fucking told you.
- I know where it is.

 

And if you do good,
momma's gonna take real good care of you.

 

Really?

 

You mean the thing I like well?

 

Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking
about the same thing here.

 

The pepper grinder.

 

Pepper grinder!

 

Pepper grinder! Yeah.

 

Hi.

 

- Hey, boys. You finally made it.
- What's up, Ms. Tasty?

 

What's up? What's up?

 

- Damn, you're hot as fuck.
- Yeah.

 

- We brought beers and rubbers.
- And some lotion for your tits.

 

- It's not a marathon.
- It's a sprint.

 

- Bang. Yeah.
- In chicks.

 

You Felicia?

 

I'm Bobby Jo.

 

Hi.

 

I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick.
I mean, seriously, what are the odds?

 

Oh, yeah! More of that.

 

So, wait, you do want to party?

 

With us?

 

Yeah. I want us all to get naked and party.

 

Fuck! I can't fucking believe this.

 

Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker!

 

- Who the fuck are you?
- Holy fucking fuck-balls!

 

Okay, my bad.

 

Now, I thought you were someone else,
all right?

 

You done fouled up my ride,
so I'm gonna have to take yours.

 

Fuck that shit.

 

Here you go. Pulls to the left.

 

What the fuck, dumb-ass?

 

Oh, shit!

 

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!

 

Hey, highlights, back it up.

 

Bite my dick, asshole!

 

Ow! What the fuck you do that for?

 

- Lance? What the fuck is going on?
- That's the son of a bitch I was looking for!

 

Hey, guy. How'd you...

 

- Found your computer maps, douche-bag!
- Okay.

 

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

 

Boat show,
you and your boyfriend bring it in here.

 

I don't need no trouble right now.

 

Let's go. Bring it in.

 

- Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that?
- Who?

 

- That!
- That's Felicia.

 

She was hiding in the back seat,
no biggie.

 

Fuck! She heard everything then.

 

- Hello!
- Damn, you're right.

 

Come on, darling.

 

- Shut up!
- Now, take it easy on the hair.

 

- Get down!
- Hey, hey, come on.

 

- All right, all right.
- Take your hands off her!

 

Stop shooting our car.
- Inconsiderate.

 

Please! No!

 

- All right. Get back, man.
- Ian?

 

Everybody just be cool.

 

- Felicia, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

 

Ian, give me the goddamn gun
before you shoot your dick off.

 

- Rex, I got this.
- Ian!

 

God damn it, Rex, I got this!
Do not fuck with me! Not now!

 

Ease it back, man.
That donut ain't fucking around.

 

Hands where I can see them.

 

- Ian, dude, you're working the mouth.
- I don't give a shit!

 

Okay. All right, sorry.
You're doing so good. Proud of you.

 

I mean that. I don't say it enough.

 

- Tasty and you...
- Bobby Jo.

 

Ian... Over there. Slowly.

 

All right, you, corn-fed, you can
punch my friend Lance, but just once.

 

- Dude! What the fuck?
- You nailed his girlfriend.

 

- Not exactly. I mean, it was...
- And he came all this way.

 

All right. All right, fair enough.
Just not in the nuts.

 

- Oh, shit!
- Okay. Okay, all right.

 

What a punch.
I think my kids are gonna be retarded.

 

You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude.

 

- Yeah, you got a little...
- Thanks. My ears are ringing.

 

Stop it! I'm warning you!

 

Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one.

 

Whoa!

 

- Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude.
- I'll shoot you in the leg.

 

Suck his cock, Ian.

 

- You serious?
- Do I look serious?

 

I don't think you got the plums, boy.

 

God!

 

Oh, fuck.

 

Okay. Okay.

 

Anybody can shoot someone
in the leg, dude.

 

- Give me the gun!
- Jesus, man, what do I got to do?

 

Don't move, asshole,
or you're a fucking stain.

 

Okay.

 

Holy shit, Ian. Right on!

 

Where do you think you're going, cunt?

 

Cat fight!

 

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

 

Damn you, whore!

 

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

 

Fuck you!

 

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

 

Come crashing through your door

 

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

 

Drop the weapon, donut man!

 

Okay, put your hands on your head!

 

- Both hands, asshole!
- I can't move the other arm.

 

- Who said that? Who said that?
- I can't move the other arm.

 

Sir, I'm not resisting. It's foam, sir.

 

The big Mexican won't go down!
Take the shot!

 

- Holy shit.
- Jesus!

 

Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay?

 

He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief.

 

Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt.

 

Anything else?

 

Oh, yeah,
apparently there's a guy named Luis,

 

and he has a chop shop
at 5th and Crescent!

 

- Thanks.
- We were just banging that chick in our car.

 

- Yeah, you mentioned that.
- Yeah, super hard.

 

The boy did have some plums.
He had some plums.

 

Hey, this is Rick.
He's played arena football.

 

- Hi. I'm Mary.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

 

That's a weird little dude you got there.

 

Are you guys hungry?
Is this place open 24 hours?

 

Thank you for coming for me.

 

What were you doing in the back seat?

 

Nothing. I was...

 

- You were stalking me.
- No, I wasn't. I...

 

Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little.

 

I just... I knew you were gonna do
something you were gonna regret, and I...

 

Felicia. Why can't you just say it?

 

- Why can't you?
- Well, I asked you first.

 

Fine. I'll say it.

 

- You love me.
- Fine.

 

You love me, too, then.

 

Life is beautiful

 

But it's complicated

 

Thank God.

 

We barely make it

 

You fucking heifer.

 

- You fixed it!
- Yeah.

 

Don't lean on it.

 

I guess you get to live.

 

You guys are amazing.
- Thanks.

 

Let's talk seriously for a second.

 

I figure with the parts and labor,
you know, out the door... 4,200.

 

Oh. Um...

 

- It's just a round number.
- Yeah. No, I didn't really...

 

I don't know what to...

 

I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man.

 

- Wait, I mean, you're serious?
- Yeah. I'm serious. We're good. No worries.

 

- You sure?
- Yeah, of course.

 

- Thank you, man.
- It's what I live for,

 

fixing other people's shit for free.

 

Yeah.

 

- Hey.
- Straight home, pussy!

 

- Dude, we got to go.
- Fucking piece of shit!

 

You go on ahead.
I think I'm gonna stay here, kick it Amish.

 

Dude, what are you talking about?

 

I don't know, a little hard work,
fresh air, missionary position.

 

It's a man's life.

 

- Sounds pretty good, you know.
- Yeah, it sounds...

 

Come on, Lance. Get serious.

 

Come here.

 

I gotta tell you, I'm impressed.
I'm proud of you, you know.

 

You held out for a good one,
the one you wanted.

 

And you fucking made it happen.

 

But, please, I'm begging you,
go take that girl to visit Grandma.

 

- All right.
- And when you do, don't...

 

- Lance, I got it.
- Yeah?

 

Yeah.

 

Okay. I think you might.

 

- See you.
- Bye.

 

Well, no, no, me, I never worry

 

Because, me, I never try

 

And I never care to hold onto
what I just couldn't kiss goodbye

 

- Are you sure you're ready?
- Yeah.

 

All right, well, come on, take them off.

 

Let's do it.

 

Yeah!

 

Oh, shit!

 

What the fuck!

 

Give me that fucking shoe...

 

You know what? Fuck you!
I want a divorce.

 

A few weeks later,
I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding.

 

But this time,
it wasn't a just-friends kind of thing.

 

And Rex did make my life hell for a while.

 

But that Thanksgiving,

 

we finally found out
what's been up his ass all these years.

 

I'm gay! And, so, that's it.

 

By Christmas,
my dad got used to the idea.

 

And Rex is actually
a pretty great guy these days.

 

Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot
during rough sex.

 

Karen and I want you to have this,
for Christmas.

 

- Merry Christmas.
- Thanks.

 

A juicer.

 

Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome.
Wow, I gotta get some fruit.

 

Wow!

 

Thank you, thank you.

 

Dylan knocked up Becca
and had to take my old job.

 

Let's see, what else?

 

Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend.

 

And on New Year's Eve,
Felicia and I finally visited Grandma.

 

Again?

 

Damn, yes.

 

- Felicia, you want to do this?
- Yes.

 

Oh, that was awesome!

 

- Hey, boys. You get some rest?
- Thanks, man. Thanks for fixing the bus.

 

- A pleasure.
- Yeah, thanks for fixing our bus.

 

- Appreciate it.
- Thanks for playing that show for us, too.

 

- Yeah, no worries.
- It was a nice five-song set.

 

Yeah, what do you guys typically...

 

I assume you get compensated
very well for that.

 

- Must be a good living.
- Yeah, we do. I mean...

 

Yeah, you know, I...
Gosh, if I was really to calculate

 

what you'd lose if this bus
couldn't have gotten back on the road,

 

if you couldn't have gotten to your shows,

 

I imagine all those weeping teenage girls
outside, "I need to dance."

 

Could we send you some pictures?
We don't really have cash or anything.

 

- Some autographed photos?
- Or we could give you CDs.

 

Yeah, we've got a lot of use
for that around here.

 

There is a lot of work
that needs to be done around here.

 

- You guys are some strapping young lads.
- I don't know if we're really built for that.

 

- Yeah.
- I can hear you.

 

I'm just saying,
you guys put in a 20-minute show,

 

- we spent all night on the bus...
- Yeah.

 

I mean, that was a lot of work.

 

We could maybe try
to write a check later on,

 

or like I said,
we could send you guys some CDs.

 

City folk are always trying to solve things
with money.

 

It's the spirit of the community
around here.

 

Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy.

 

Keep him safe on the road.

 

Help him to aspire
to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi.

 

- Help him to...
- Thanks.

 

- Okay, thanks, man.
- Thanks, man. We gotta roll.

 

- Amen.
- We gotta roll, man. Thank you very much.

 

All right, boys.
It was a pleasure meeting you.

 

I loved your penis on the Internet,
by the way.

 

- Fucking asshole!
- You're a dick!

 

Say my name and his in the same breath

 

I dare you to say they taste the same

 

Let the leaves fall off in the summer

 

And let December glow feel flames

 

Brace myself and let go

 

Start it over again in Mexico

 

These friends, they don't love you

 

They just love the hotel suites, now

 

I don't care what you think

 

As long as it's about me

 

The best of us can find happiness

 

In misery

 

Said, I don't care what you think

 

As long as it's about me

 

The best of us can find happiness

 

In misery

 

Oh, take a chance,
let your body get a tolerance

 

I'm not a chance,
but a heat wave in your pants

 

Pull a breath like another cigarette

 

Palms up, I'm trading 'em

 

Trading 'em

 

I'm the oracle in my chest

 

Let the guitar scream like a fascist

 

Sweat it out, shut your mouth

 

Free love on the streets

 

But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now

 

I don't care what you think

 

As long as it's about me

 

The best of us can find happiness

 

In misery

 

Said, I don't care what you think

 

As long as it's about me

 

The best of us can find happiness

 

In misery

 

Said I don't care just what you think

 

As long as it's about me

 

Said I don't care just what you think

 

As long as it's about me

 

Said I don't care, I don't care

 

Said I don't care, I don't care

 

Said I don't care, I don't care

 

No, I don't

 

I don't care, I don't care

 

I don't care

 

I don't care what you think

 

As long as it's about me

 

The best of us can find happiness

 

In misery

 

Said I don't care what you think

 

As long as it's about me

 

The best of us can find happiness

 

In misery

 

Hi. I'm Amanda Crew, professional actor.

 

You know in all the teen unrated DVDs,

 

you never really get to see
the star's naughty parts.

 

Well, that is gonna change today.

 

That's right. Take a seat,

 

maybe close the door
so mom doesn't come in.

 

Get all ready. Looks good.

 

Here we go.

 

Suckers!

 

This is serious matter.

 

Run for your life.

 

Oh, shit! You know what?
We see the fake balls on the table there.

 

All right. We'll shoot another. Cut.
- Cut.